I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself. — T. D. Jakes

My Story

These past two weeks have been a whirlwind of chaos and medical confusion. If you’ve read my post, Wounded Warrior, you know the story of my current situation. We returned to South Korea about a week and a half ago.  It’s been a lot of follow-up visits and getting re-established.

It has been a battle to be assigned to a new primary care doctor (PCM). This battle began two years ago. It was time to refill my prescription, so I made an appointment to see the doctor. During the appointment, he seemed rushed and preoccupied. He wasn’t listening to me.

In the end, he did not want to refill my meds but instead want to do his own thing. The new meds did not help and it left me vulnerable. I took elderberry and zinc to keep my immune system in shape as best as I could.

Being left untreated, more or less, aided in the predicament I’m in.

When I was first told that there would be a possibility that I could lose my toes, foot, or even my leg, I don’t know that the weight of the situation really sunk in. I was ready to do whatever was necessary to just get back to normal.

I’m thankful God didn’t take my apathy to heart. I still have a ways to go when it comes to recovery, but I’m healing. I have my good days, but there are days when emotions and frustrations get the best of me. I allow myself to grieve for a moment before I find myself submerging myself in scripture and music.

When this journey began, we were advised and then later asked if we were going to seek legal action for malpractice. I never once thought about it. I did, however, joke about the going rate for two toes. Joking aside, I do not believe revenge is worth fighting about. In fact, God tells us that vengeance is His (Romans 12:19). Nothing I could argue now would change the outcome of what has happened.

Choosing Forgiveness

Some see forgiveness as a sign of weakness. In their view, forgiveness involves submitting to the other person. You have conceded defeat.

In reality, the opposite could not be farther from the truth. Control and obedience are not the intended outcomes of forgiveness. It is about breaking free from the chains and oppression that disrespect imposes. The purpose of forgiveness is for you, not the perpetrator. The path to peace is forgiveness. It relieves you of the burden of harboring hatred and resentment. Anger breeds hate and exacerbate discontentment. Negative attitudes are contagious, and all it takes is one harsh remark to spoil the best of moods.

You are responsible solely for yourself. Your response says a great deal about you. It makes no difference if the opposing party feels regret. The right to justice does not belong to you. You have no right to exact revenge. In fact, justice will be served in due time. Don’t be anxious. Learn to be satisfied with oneself. We are liberated by this way of thinking. By letting go, you are liberated from a load that will only hinder your progress.

I am not required to despise you if you dislike me. That is freedom.

If you speak about me, I am not required to do the same. That is freedom.

I am not compelled to discriminate against you if you have a bias against me. That is freedom

They spat on the face of Jesus. However, he did not spit on them. He was struck. However, He did not extend His hand to them. He was afflicted. They ridiculed Him. However, he did not voice against them. They used their authority against Him. However, He did not use His authority against them. They killed him. However, He forgave them. That is freedom. They were enslaved by evil, but He was liberated by God’s love.

My Thoughts

Too many people are enslaved by this world and their own suffering. They spend their days dwelling on their suffering and discontentment. Those who were charged with my protection have committed many violations against me. It is difficult to forgive. Even very difficult to forget. It is a daily struggle.

My advice?

Choose forgiveness.

Oh, and by the way, I have a new PCM and could not be more thrilled! He’s a wonderful, sweet man who took the time to listen and is taking great care to undo everything that’s been done! He’s definitely a God-send and an answer to prayer. (I was so happy with him, that I prayed that I would be transferred to him when we returned from Hawaii. And I was! It was a long shot, so I know it was a God-thing!)

Remember that life is worth living and have faith that the best is yet to come even if you are suffering now. Never forget that you are loved, that you matter, and that there is always hope.

If you are in need of prayer, I would be happy to do just that. Drop a comment below or send me an email. I don’t need details. God knows! Much love to you all! And until next week,