“Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, you are not the rain.” — Matt Haig
I fought therapy for so long. I was spending my days just surviving in 2018. I can distinctly remember sitting on the side of the bed one morning, staring out of my bedroom window in a daze. I could literally feel the depression seeping into my very core. I wasn’t suicidal, but I honestly didn’t care about life. It was my dogs that kept me going. I knew they needed me.
Looking back, I can see how I used social media to cry out for help. Friends could see my personality change. I was easily annoyed and frustrated. I was deadset against it when my husband first mentioned it. I was known for being a strong individual with firm beliefs and unshakable faith. For fear of looking weak and vulnerable in front of others, therapy was a taboo issue.
Because the symptoms are not immediately visible to the outside world, mental health concerns that have been properly diagnosed are classed as a hidden handicap. Many people suffering from depression and anxiety learn to camouflage and conceal activities that could expose their true state.
I spent the rest of the year, basically going through the motions. I was just looking for the next day. I was ready for my husband to return from deployment, thinking that things would go back to the way they were. I was wrong.
Therapy & Medication
Things were great for a while. We found a church home. We volunteered. We gained full custody of the girls. It seemed things had settled down some. Some.
When he deployed again in 2019, I knew I couldn’t go through it again and I begged for help. At the time, there was a waitlist for therapy. Instead, I received medication to help with anxiety.
I can’t tell you with 100% certainty if the medication worked or not. I know my attention shifted and I poured my attention on the girls. Once again, I was going through the motions just to survive the day. I forced a smile and made things special for the girls. I cried in private.
Current State
This past year has truly woken up emotions that were buried. Or at least I thought was buried. Now, I cry at a drop of a hat!
We tried the medication again, but it doesn’t work for me anymore. I was referred to a therapist, whom I’ve been seeing since we returned from Hawaii.
I am working on creating a morning routine that will set the tone for the day. I tend to get inside my own head and emotions when I’m home alone. Our minds can be a dangerous place!
Journaling has been a big help. It’s allowed me to write through emotions, thoughts, and past trauma. It’s also allowed me to creative. I can draw and artistically “speak” through my art. I’ve also put True Crime aside for a moment and picked up a new podcast, God is Within Her.
Valerie Reynolds has many shows dedicated to mental health and they hit home! Additionally, I keep a Scripture Journal. There are many free sources available. Spending a few minutes each morning writing God’s word and meditating on His truth has helped tremendously.
That doesn’t mean anxiety doesn’t creep up during the day, but it’s important for me to remember to return to Him and what calms me.
What God Says
The truth is, almost everyone will encounter a mental health issue at some point in their life. It makes no distinction and it doesn’t discriminate. Job stress, marital troubles, and financial worries, to name a few, may all have an impact on a person’s mental health.
COVID lockdowns have added to the problem. Isolation is not good. We were meant to be social. Likewise, we are so busy, that we tend to neglect ourselves, especially our mental health. Poor mental health seems to be a fairly prevalent problem. Despite this, many individuals find it difficult to discuss and reveal their mental health status to others, including friends and even family members.
So many people live with anxiety and depression and we don’t talk about it! Life isn’t perfect and neither are we! But God is.
Many of our biblical figures suffered from poor mental health. King David, Elijah, and even Jesus showed stressors in his plight. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and if we need help, we need to seek it. Because we live in a sinful, broken world, grace is a core component of mental health in the Christian faith. In other words, God’s grace, which is undeserved and freely pouring from Him, is the proverbial glue that binds us together in our frail state.
If you are in need of prayer, I would be happy to do just that. Drop a comment below or send me an email. I don’t need details. God knows! Much love to you all! And until next week!
