“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27, NKJV

This year has not exactly been an easy one. I had the accident in late April, the surgery in May, and was medically given the “all clear” in August. Life was getting back to normal. I could physically do just about anything I wanted. My stamina was returning. And I could wear real shoes again!

My dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer last year. He sought treatment at CARTI in Arkansas, which he completed this summer. The cancer was at bay and he was told he had another ten years. Good news, right?

In September, my dad was sick enough to visit the VA’s emergency room. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and admitted to the hospital. Fifteen days later, he would pass away.

I’ve been through many emotions. There were periods of sadness, disbelief, acceptance, and anger. Many of these emotions are stages of the grieving process. But, truth be told, I haven’t grieved.

Instead, this plight seemed to begin with frustration and that theme has carried itself throughout this entire process.

Dad became frustrated with the hospital. He didn’t want to be there. Therefore, he took it upon himself to check himself out. he told us that he had been discharged, only to find out later that that was not the case. After being home for about a week, he was rushed back to the hospital via ambulance.

He was admitted to the ICU and was sedated for much of his stay. Through conversations with the medical team, I learned that he had been diagnosed, not only with lung cancer, but COPD and was to take breathing treatments at home. He did not.

My mom suffered two strokes several years ago. It affected the use of her right side as well as her cognitive ability to understand and process information. Therefore, the medical team could not get confirmation from her to administer tests and treatments. At one point, she gave them bad intel. She avoided talking to them when she realized he wasn’t getting better. Instead, she ignored them. Finally, the doctor had to force her to visit the ER.

Despite the time difference, the medical team began reaching out to me for information and approvals. I knew from talking with them, that this was probably not going to end the way we all hoped and prayed. I began making arrangements, just in case.

On September 25, 2022, my dad passed peacefully. We arranged for emergency leave but would be another week before we could fly out of Korea. I tried to communicate with my mom to begin making arrangements. She wanted to wait until we arrived. This irritated me.

There was so much to do in such little time. I could not make her understand that. I began making arrangements by casually asking her questions periodically. I picked out his casket and she agreed. However, once we met with the funeral director, she wanted to look at the caskets and order another one. She decided she didn’t want a steel casket. She wanted a vaulted one. This was directly after he had told us the casket had arrived that morning.

We were so taken aback by the information we were given about their finances and day-to-day lives. They were two years into a 30-year-mortgage and two car loans. All of which were in my dad’s name. This created another big upset.

Long story short, it’s not. Now, we are looking at a Humanitarian reassignment to be closer to my mom. I did not want to move back to Arkansas, but now I do not have a choice. I’m looking at probate court to resolve the financial issues. I now have POA and have to become the parent. She is difficult and can be unreasonable.

This makes me angry and makes me feel as though my choice and freedom have been taken away from me. I’m angry that I’m put in this situation. I’m angry that this debt has been laid on my shoulders. I’m angry for my husband and the upset in his career and his reputation. I’m angry that our family has to uproot our entire life, try to find a way to ship our dogs home on short notice, and start over there.

This did not fit into the goals and plans we had. We were still saving money to bring Jin-Ho home. Now we have to scrape together the money to fly him stateside. I think the most frustrating part of all, is my mom’s nonchalant demeanor and how, at times, seems giddy. I’m sure she’s happy that we will be back home, but at what cost? I know it is subjective, but it seems that she doesn’t care, as long as she gets what she wants.

I only say that, because I’ve seen that my entire adult life. She’s known to push and push until the person caves, giving her what she wants. That’s how she ended up with the car she did not need. My dad was tired of hearing about it.

What God Says

It’s taken a lot to keep this monster contained.

I wrote something a few years ago that came to mind. Anger is like a cancer. It can have severe effects and can quickly spread until it consumes you and everything around you. From heart disease to your immune system, it’s not just a harmless emotion. It can shorten your life span if you don’t keep it in check.

Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27

King David is cited by Paul in Ephesians, which only counsels us to “let it go.” The Israelites’ continuous disobedience to God made David furious. This is the same irritation that we can have now as we see the world go on as usual. God’s reply served as a reminder to us not to let our annoyance lead to sin.

While having anger is normal, acting on it is not. even if we persuade ourselves that the Lord is on our side and that we are righteous. We are told to make our own peace with God each night before we go to bed. Let Him handle those who have sparked our rage. Again, this could be a daily battle! Lord knows it is for me! 

Anger affects anxiety and depression. Since I tend to suffer from both, I know I need more meditation right now. My mind is so chaotic and I have to bring it back into focus, as well as my heart. More time with God and in His Word. More of His message and less of the world’s.

There is so much to worry about and I honestly do not have the time or patience for it. In reality, despite our best efforts, God is the only one who is able to provide a solution. As Danny Gokey’s song says, “He had the solution before you had the problem.”

Instead of exerting yourself trying to make things happen, relax and trust in what God will do. His way is always best. We need to start by being nice to one another. Regardless of our differences, we can all learn to appreciate and love one another. I know I need to practice patience with my mom. I lost my dad, but she lost her partner. Her world has changed, too.

Whether you’ve been holding onto your rage for years or just this, it’s time to let it go. Focus on the positive aspects and let God fight that war.

If you would pray for my family and me. And if you are in need of prayer, I would be happy to do just that. Drop a comment below or send me an email. I don’t need details. God knows! Much love to you all! And until next week!